Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
