My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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