I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
