it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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