it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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