dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
