Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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