How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize