Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish you could order shots online.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
