and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
