Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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