You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
