god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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