did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
