I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
