Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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