bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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