im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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