Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
