you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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