It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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