Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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