this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
