Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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