It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
