I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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