Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
