Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
