i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my poor anus
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
