I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to sanitize my soul.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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