her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
