Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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