i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
