it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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