you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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