not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
