While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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