I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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