I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
