I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
