He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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