Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
