u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
