I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
