I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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