Your mouth is God's brothel.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
