i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
