Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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