Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
