if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
