They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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