I wanna bring you to show and tell
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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