i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
