She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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