it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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