Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
