Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize