Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
