Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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