i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
