where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
