need another drink. this is the easiest way
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
