I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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