Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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