a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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