Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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