Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
