Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
