I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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