i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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