so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
